Goodbyes
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: In the Final Battle, a great sacrifice is made by Remus Lupin. Everybody's stunned, and the one he saved is mourning. Angst, implied slash, and grieving!Severus. Complete
1. The sacrifice

Goodbyes  
  
*  
  
Voldemort glared at the unconscious man on the ground. "A traitor," he hissed. Then, pointing his wand at the man, he yelled, "Avada Kedarva!"  
  
Harry watched in horror as the beam of green light bursted out of the Dark Lord's wand, flying towards Snape. Harry was the only one who could harm Voldemort, and yet he was too weak for that. This was too soon, far too soon.  
  
He could just watch in horror as his allies were murdered, one by one.  
  
Then, just as the curse was hitting Snape, somebody stepped calmly in front of it. The curse hit its victim with top strength, sending him fly backwards.  
  
Harry watched in horror as Remus's lifeless body dropped on the ground.  
  
Then his horror was replaced with fury, fury and hatred stronger than he had ever felt. Remus had been the last thing precious to him, after Ron and Hermione's murder a year before. And now Voldemort had destroyed the man.  
  
He raised his wand. Before Voldemort could aim again at Snape, he said, clearly and loudly, "Avada Kedarva."  
  
Without as much as a scream, the Dark Lord fell on the ground and didn't move anymore.  
  
Tears filling his eyes, uncertain of where he was going in the first point, Harry stumbled towards one of the unmoving forms on the ground. He knelt down, reaching a hand to touch Remus's hand. It was already cooling as the life had left him.  
  
~*~  
  
"Headmaster," Poppy Pomfrey said breathlessly. "I believe there's something you should know."  
  
"What it is, Poppy?" Dumbledore asked kindly.  
  
"I know who was Remus's husband," the mediwitch said briefly. "I only need your confirmation for that."  
  
"What do you mean?" Dumbledore asked, his eyes twinkling. "Why do you even think that Remus had a husband?"  
  
"Because he had a band on his wrist, as you're well aware of," Pomfrey said dryly. "And I know as well as you do that it's the sign of being bonded in the firmest marriage. The one that allows the two to be together even in the afterlife."  
  
"So who do you think is his spouse?"  
  
"I don't know for sure, of course, before you admit it," the witch said, "but I just found a similar band on Severus Snape's wrist."  
  
~*~  
  
"Remus Lupin was the last loss for the Light, in the last fight in the last war against the Dark Lord Voldemort," Arthur Weasley, the new Minister of Magic said quietly. "He was also an epitome of all those things we consider Light: Kind, friendly, intelligent, polite, understanding, unselfish, forgiving... The list goes on, too long for any of us to say."  
  
Harry nodded in quiet agreement, as did every one of the guests in the funeral. The whole Order remaining was there, besides Snape, who Harry hadn't seen since the fight.  
  
"Remus did the major sacrifice on the time when it was demanded," Mr. Weasley continued. "He saved a life with his own, a life of a man who never showed any friendship towards him. Remus was a good man, in every mean of the word.  
  
We're now here to say goodbye to Remus. He meant very much to every one of us. He will be remembered for longer than any of us remain on this Earth, since while our names will be forgotten, the names of Remus and all the others who gave their lives for the Light will be taught to our children and grandchildren. And they have deserved it.  
  
We're here to say thank you to Remus, who always gave us hope."  
  
"I believe," said Dumbledore's calm voice, "that there's someone who'd want to say something more."  
  
They all turned around to look at the Headmaster. Next to him was, to everyone's slight surprise, Snape.  
  
Snape was sitting in a magical wheelchair, seemingly very weak. He was pale and looked sick, but his though mask never dropped.  
  
Everyone watched silently as he drove his chair on the edge of the grave. He sat there for a very long time, not moving a finger.  
  
Everyone waited.  
  
At last, Snape broke the silence.  
  
"I loved Remus," he said, his voice quiet but clear enough to be heard by everyone in the stunned silence. "Most of you probably don't believe me, but I loved him. He said he loved me also. Sometimes, I allowed myself the luxury of believing him."  
  
Harry swallowed. He suddenly saw where this was leading.  
  
"I don't think I ever told him just how precious he was to me. I wanted to, but I just couldn't force the words out of me.  
  
He was the one who brought me to the Light, the one I tried to fight off that bond for. He was also the only one I've let myself to be bonded to since that."  
  
Snape stroked slightly his left arm before continuing, "The Dark Mark is gone. The other bond still remains, and will remain forever. And because of that bond, I will once be able to tell him just how much I loved him.  
  
For now, this has to do: I love you, Remus. I always will." Snape let two white roses fall on the grave.  
  
Then, without another word, he turned the wheelchair around and left, ignoring all the gazes locked on him.  
  
~*~  
  
Severus swallowed. It had been hard not to cry aloud. Once reaching the privacy of his rooms, he'd cry himself dry of tears, but he wouldn't break down in other people's presence. He wouldn't.  
  
Dumbledore had insisted walking him to his rooms. As if he needed any assistance getting there. The wheelchair could drive on the stairs as well as in the corridors, and he was well capable of getting there by himself. But, the Headmaster couldn't be turned down.  
  
The way was walked in silence. Once they reached the door of his quarters, he turned towards the old wizard. "Well?" he snapped. "What it is?"  
  
"I've put antisuicidal charms on you," Dumbledore said solemnly. "They're twisted upon myself. I trust you not to do anything stupid."  
  
Severus glared at the old man. For a moment he felt an irresistible urge to slice his wrists just to see if Headmaster would die or if he was just cheating. Then he sighed. "No need to worry," he said blankly. "I keep Remus's sacrifice in too much respect to throw it away. And I am grateful to him."  
  
Dumbledore nodded, and turned around to leave.  
  
It wasn't until the old wizard was out of the hearing area when Severus murmured, "I am grateful, yet I don't understand." 


	2. Starting to Understand

Goodbyes

()

Starting to Understand

()

When the full moon shines its light,

When we see the heart of night,

Tears form up in our eyes

When moon rises, you won't rise.

I'd love to have you here with me

To love you, show you what I see:

The world you always fought for is

Ours, it's yours, but never his.

()

Safe travel for you,

My love.

Safe travel now,

You have gone.

Safe travel for you,

My love

You have gone -

I still love you.

()

It was dark and quiet in Severus's quarters as the Potions Master entered them. This was the first time anybody had been there after the last battle against Voldemort.

With a slight touch of his hand he led the magical wheelchair further to his rooms, letting the door click shut behind him.

The curses he'd received in the last battle had left him crippled for life. Never again would he sweep through the dungeons, never again would he threateningly walk midst his students in the Potions classroom. Not that they'd been threatened anyway - after his speech in Remus's funeral probably no one would ever again take him seriously.

He didn't even know how he'd let those overemotional words leave his mouth. Not that he didn't mean them, no, each and every one had come straight from his heart. The thing he regretted was letting all those truths outside for everyone to hear.

Remus would have been happy about it, he knew that. His beloved husband had always been saying that he should show his emotions more. He'd never done that - never, until Remus was already gone.

Severus let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes momentarily. If he could have changed one thing in his life, he'd have told Remus more that he loved him. Of course Remus had known that, for he'd shown it to him on every moment of every day, but he could not recall ever saying aloud, "I love you." Remus had told it to him more times than he could ever count, had all the time both shown his love and said it aloud, which was something Severus had never been able to do.

Now, he regretted his lack od courage, for he never could say it to Remus in this life.

He remembered very well what had happened in the funeral. Originally, he'd planned to just watch the formalities from shadows, letting nobody notice him. Later, he would have gone to the grave, mourning the loss of his husband in private. But as he'd seen all those people gathered around Remus's grave, and heard Arthur Weasley talking about him, something had clicked inside him. It hadn't taken much coaxing from Albus to make him go forward. And as he'd sat on the edge of the grave, looking down to where Remus's lifeless body now lay, his eyes burning with tears he would never let fall in public... Something had just opened a dam inside him, making words pour out from his mouth. Now, everyone knew about he and Remus's relationship.

He was sure that wherever Remus was now, he was smiling in satisfaction.

His eyes caught a flash of light on glass, and he moved his seat nearer. On a little table next to his bookshelf full of Potions books he found a framed photo. In the middle of dark brown frames he saw two men. One of them, with prematurely greying golden hair and warm amber eyes was smiling warmly, and the other, with black hair and eyes, managed to get something resembling a smile to his lips. They both had an arm around the other's shoulders, similar golden bands on their left wrists.

They were Remus and Severus Lupin-Snape, bonded for eternity.

A quiet sob escaped the thin lips as Severus watched the picture. Albus had taken it on the same day as he'd bonded them. Severus had, of course, been reluctant to be photographed, but Remus had spoken into it - Remus was the only one who could make Severus do anything.

Remus was the only one who could ever make him smile.

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he watched the familiar picture. It seemed that all joy and happiness in his life had died along with Remus.

Not that he was going to kill himself, no. In that he hadn't lied to the Headmaster. The old fool shouldn't have charmed him - if he truly had been going to kill himself, he wouldn't have let anything stop him, not even the fact that he would have killed Albus before he'd died himself.

But, Remus had bought him his life, and he valued Remus's sacrifice far too much to throw it away. Nothing had ever been dearer to him than Remus, and if he'd lost his husband in exchange of his own life, he would hang on life for as long as he only could.

Besides, he had promised Remus.

Severus remembered it like yesterday. They'd sat there, in that very room, side by side on the couch. Remus's head had been resting on Severus's shoulder, his eyes half shut in hte usual post-full moon exhaustion.

Then, suddenly, Remus had broken the silence by asking, "Do you love me, Severus?"

The question had taken him by surprise, so for a moment he hadn't said anything. After getting over the initial shock, he'd said, "I would gladly die for you, Remus. I would kill for you without a second of hesitating. Don't you know that?"

"Yes, I know," Remus had replied quietly. "And it just confirms my fears."

"What fears, dear?" had Severus asked, astonished. Whatever was disturbing Remus now, he had no idea.

"That you'll kill yourself for me." Turning towards him, Remus had continued, "If I die, Severus... No matter what the circumstances... Promise me you won't kill yourself."

"Remus, I -" Severus had started, but he'd been interrupted by his husband.

"Just promise me, Severus, love," had Remus demanded, tiny tears appearing in the corners of his eyes.

What else could he have done but given the werewolf his word?

The tears hust increased in speed and amount, flowing down his cheeks and soaking the front of his robes, but he did nothing to stop them. He felt that this was right, that Remus was worth his fullest grief. Only tears, flowing freely from his pure sorrow, were enough to describe his feelings over the loss of his beloved.

Severus didn't want anything as much as to see his lover again, to again embrace Remus and be embraced by him, to finally whisper those three words to the slightly pointed ear. But that he would not get, for he was alive, and Remus was not. Only after he died, he would again be together with his beloved, and Merlin knew when that would be.

With his usual luck, he'd live longer than even Albus. Even though the old fool seemed to be impossible to kill off - he was still alive, and not for the lack of trying by his enemies, that was for sure - Severus would most probably live long enough to see the Headmaster to his grave. Shit, with his usual luck, he'd see Potter's grandchildren die far before he could join Remus.

His heart heavy and tears still streaming down his cheeks, Severus rolled his wheelchair towards their bedroom. Every inch he moved hurt, not physichally, only in his heart. His very heart and soul hurt, having lost the thing that had been their most precious treasure for the past years. Everywhere he saw signs of Remus - a book he had forgotten on the table, a little decorative statue, a letter on the desk -

Severus blinked. He was absolutely sure that there hadn't been any letter on the desk when he'd last left the quarters - the day before Voldemort had attacked. Only Remus had been there after it.

But, whom could he leave letters to? And why?

Desiring an answer, Severus warily rolled to the desk. A lump formed in his throat as he read his own name, tidily written over the sealed parchment scroll with Remus's familiar, round handwriting.

With only slightly trembling hands, he broke the seal, starting to read the letter. It'd most probably been the last thing Remus had ever written.

"Severus,

The one I love.

Tomorrow, there's going to be a battle, I know it. Call it whatever you want, a woman's instinct if you must (that's what Sirius always said), but I know that the Death Eaters are going to strike tomorrow.

Also, I know that only one of us will be returning from that battle alive.

Yeah, I do know that one of us won't return. As you're reading this, it's clear that the one who died was me. I don't know how that happened, but if my death saved a single life, and especially if it was your life, I'm glad it was so.

I love you so much that I'm aching. Of course, nothing will separate us forever, not even death, but the mere thought of being away from you for a single day is overwhelming. I don't want that, I want to be with you forever and always, till we die on each other's arms, but it shall not be as I wish.

Therefore, I'm now leaving you my last message.

I love you, Severus, I love you with everything that is in me. Every fibre of my soul, my magic, my very being is reaching towards you, not wanting to let go. You love me, also, that much I know. It's hard to you to say it, after so many years of hiding every single hint of your feelings behind that cool mask, but you've shown it to me on every moment of our life together. There's no need to say it, Severus - how could words ever be more than the obvious love shining from your eyes?

I know you'll never forget me, just like I'd never forget you if I was the one to stay alive - but still I ask you, Severus, do not forget me. Remember me, for as long as you do, a little piece of me will be with you.

And that's the most I could ever ask for - to be with you, always.

With all my love,

Remus."

And at that, Severus finally broke down. He threw the letter away from himself, hid his face, and cried. He cried as freely and unboundedly as a little child, not holding back a single tear.

Remus had known that one would not return, and still, he had went to the battle. When he'd stepped in front of the curse, he'd known that there was nothing to save him anymore, that one of them was destined to die that night and it would be him.

No, he would never forget Remus. He'd kill himself rather.

And that he'd never do, for he had promised Remus.

All he could do was to hope that it wouldn't take too long from him to die.

()

I won't forget what you were like.

I won't forget your sacrifice.

I wanted to tell that I love you,

Now I've said it. Too late, and too

Hard to me to stand at all.

I wanted to be the one to fall,

You bought my life, not worth of it.

You gave me this - the bitter bit.

()

Safe travel for you,

My friend.

Safe travel now,

Through the end.

Safe travel for you,

My friend.

Beyond the end,

I'll be with you.

()


	3. Epilogue

Goodbyes

()

Epilogue

()

"Headmaster Snape?"

"Yes, Miss Potter?"

"Could you please help me with this essay? I didn't understand all what Professor Zabini told us during the lesson, he wasn't very clear with his words."

"I fear that it's a little defect of Professor Zabini we have to forgive, child. But if you truly want help, you'll of course get it. It's always a pleasure to teach a keen student."

...Now, it's year 2185. Albus Dumbledore had retired a couple of years after the Last Battle, leaving the position to his Potions Master, Severus Snape, since the Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall had firmly refused becoming a Headmistress. Blaise Zabini had taken over the Potions position, having passed his Potions Master tests in the young age of twenty-two, and nowadays, his great-grandson Matthew Zabini was teaching the subject.

Severus listened carefully as Melinda Potter explained her difficulties with the essay, then started to advise her. He hadn't lied, it was truly a pleasure to teach her. Out of all Potters he'd seen during his years in Hogwarts - and that was many - Melinda was by far the most brilliant and powerful witch, maybe even more powerful than her infamous ancestor Harry Potter. The man himself had passed away several years ago, like had all of his generation, and almost all of the next one - and many of Potter's genaration's grandchildren, too. Only the Headmaster was alive to tell the students tales about the years of War. In the highly respectable age of two hundred and twenty-five, he was told to be by far the oldest wizard alive, with seemingly no intentions at all to die very soon.

Despite his previous nasty fame, Headmaster Snape was rather liked. He was strict, true, but years had brought him much wisdom and patience, both of which his students did their best to question, never quite succeeing in their task. Often giving extra lessons in DADA and Potions to both the worst and best students, he was also well known amongst the students, just like was his office where this tutoring was given.

That was how every and each person in the school knew about the framed photograph on his desk. In the picture there was a man, rather young in the wizarding measures but his hair prematurely grey, amber smiles shining warmly to everyone in sight. There was a crystal vase in front of the picture, and every morning, the Headmaster placed a fresh, white rose to the vase.

Some said that the man was his lover, some that it was his son, or a long-lost brother. Some, however, knew about the old tale, and told the others that the man in the picture was his husband, the only one whom he'd ever truly loved. Even the most doubtful people couldn't deny this as they saw the golden band in the Headmaster's wrist, proving that he was married to someone, in the firmest way possible - for life, and beyond.

Even though the Headmaster was liked and respected, everyone also knew about his one little defect - he never smiled. Never had anyone alive seen a smile adorn those thin lips, never had the beetle-black eyes been twinkling with light and joy. It was rumoured that his long-gone husband had been the only one who could ever tempt a smile to his lips, the only one who could ever make the black eyes twinkle like the previous Headmaster's did even in his portraits.

For this man was the only one who had ever made Headmaster Snape truly happy.

He was happy when everything went well with the school, true. As well he was happy when he could make a student understand some difficult point, seeing the child's joy over the new discovery. But there was always a hint of sadness in him, the wistful expression on his face never faded. No matter how well everything was in the present, he couldn't forget what had been in the past - those rare, precious moments he had spent in peace with his beloved, those small moments of peace and silence in the middle of the War.

No, Headmaster Snape was never wholly happy, for he could never consider himself happy with his only love being taken from him so long time ago.

The magical wheelchair still rode around the school, crossing stairways with no difficulty at all, heading every now and then to dark corners were the Headmaster knew he would find young couples in suspicious doings. Nobody knew exactly why, but Headmaster Snape seemed to take great amusement from startling students apart with spells.

Their tutoring session went for some time just like it usually did. Snape calmly answered all her questions, gave her some advices about where to find more information, and also made questions himself to the teen. She replied quickly, proving much knowledge to one of her age. Truly, she was probably even more brilliant than Hermione Granger had been. She'd be just what Granger would have become, should she not have been killed in the War.

Suddenly, Melinda noticed as the Headmaster doubled over in his chair, clutching at his chest. Then, before she could do anything, the ancient wizard fell down from his chair, panting slightly and grimacing as if in pain.

"Headmaster!" she cried out in horror. "Headmaster, are you all right?"

Just then, the wrinkled face relaxed, all marks of pain disappearing. A warm smile curled his thin lips as he replied, "Yes, Melinda, I am all right... I see Remus, dear child, I'm going home at last."

And with these words, the smile still lingering on his lips, Severus Lupin-Snape closed his eyes for the last time, joining his beloved in eternal light.

()

When my life has come to its end,

When I have no time to spend,

A joyous moment it shall be,

For beyond end, you'll be with me.

I'd love to come there, be with you,

Tell you at last: "I love you."

And no longer shall I wait.

I will no more have to fight.

()

Stars light up above us so high,

They are casting their blessing light.

And, for a moment, all in sight

Is only light.

It's only light.

()

Safe travel it was,

My friend.

Safe travel has

Come to end.

Safe travel - sad too,

My friend.

Beyond the end

I'm now with you.

()


End file.
